Feeling the Heat

The Weather Network Says it is Hot OutsideWhile I know to expect a flare up of joint pain and increased frequency and intensity of muscle spasms every year when the weather turns cool, I always seem to forget how hard Summer is on me until it hits me like a ton of bricks.

The onset of the hot and humid weather here in Eastern Ontario brings with it swollen joints and trouble breathing from environmental allergies. I’m not going to lie; the joint pain I feel today is enough to make me cry and something that even my beloved extra strength Motrin can‘t handle.

I know others have it worse and I certainly don’t want to complain, but I find writing it down helps me deal with the worst part of my pain; feeling more “disabled” and unproductive than my relatively mild Palsy could ever make me feel. Read More...

I have always been a very proud (some would say stubborn) person. The mental anguish that stems from losing my balance, not being able to hold onto things and especially not being able to put nearly as much time into the Game Forward project as I want is far worse than any physical pain I could feel. I’m sure I’ve said this before, but I’m saying it again because it helps.

I hate asking for help to do things like wash myself or prepare food, even from Nathalie and I can’t even count how many times I’ve refused stronger pain medication. I’ve always been of the mindset that if I can be a stronger person inside, I can handle a “bit” of pain and discomfort without having to be on meds the rest of my life. I hate feeling stoned all day and had a horribly terrifying experience with the anti-spasmodic Baclofen a few years back.

I guess my main problem is that I need to not only recognize my limitations on my bad days, but simply accept them. I know deep down that I can only put in 2-3 days a week at best, but I want so much to see Game Forward get to the next level and feel like I’m wasting time when I have to take a few days in a row off.

I have tons of great ideas and want to see them to fruition, but for some reason I place a false sense of urgency or deadlines on them. I’m only 33, I’ve got another 30 or 40 years of working on Game Forward and related projects left in me. “There’s no rush, Bri” is something I need to start telling myself.

Even today, I managed to write a 500 word review in addition to this totally self-centred post. I should be happy with that, but for some reason I will feel like a bum for settling in with one of several great games I have on the go; even though I’ll be taking review notes the whole time too.

Well, I got all that off my chest and feel a bit better. At the very least I stopped my mind from racing and avoided an anxiety attack. I should do this more often, could save myself a bunch of mental distress.